I remember coming home from work and Lindy and I would have that entire day to ourselves to do anything we wanted. We would go to the movies, eat at a restaurant, go shopping...whatever. With Jack now in our lives, it has become almost impossible to just go on spontaneous outings. Lindy and I would often comment on how good we had it as recent as 4 months ago. So has Jack become a thorn in our lives? Not in the least!

These days, I come home from work, thinking to myself, "What new trick did my boy learn today?" The slightest smile, baby sound, fart or laugh can make any bad day be a memorable one. That's not to say that I don't ever have a frustrating day with Jack. There are plenty of sleepless nights, bottle feeding and baby-cry-tuning-out days.

It's those tough days that reminds me of why I didn't want a baby so soon in my life. I had a plan to be married at 30 and have my first kid at 35. Well, most, if not all of you know what happened there. Lindy had the baby fever barely a year into our marriage and I would come up with reasons to postpone having one. As every year went by and more and more of our friends were having little ones of their own, I knew I was going to lose the family argument at any moment. It was pretty distressing for me. I wasn't ready. I didn't know when I wanted to have one, but I wasn't ready.

So now someone's thinking that Jack was an accident. He was not. I finally felt "comfortable" enough to have a family. After 2 AWFUL and MISERABLE months of trying to have a baby, :) Lindy got pregnant. I was excited and terrified all at once, but I knew there was no turning back. But the 9 months leading to Jack's birth, I just thought about all the things that I wasn't going to be able to do anymore. They were selfish thoughts, I know, but that's what I was thinking. I also didn't want to be a bad father. The thoughts of "I'M NOT READY!" kept creeping into my mind...

The moment Jack came into the world and as the tears filled my eyes and flowed down my face, all the negative thoughts left my mind. It was quickly replaced with "He's mine....He's ours..." It was completely humbling and exciting. I don't think there's any other point where a person's life changes completely than when their baby is born. You've become a parent.

My entire marriage I wasn't ready to have a baby. While Lindy was pregnant, I wasn't ready to have a baby. But looking at my son right now, as he gives me that huge smile of his, I don't know why I waited so long.

Thoughts

Staying home with Jack, there's really not a whole lot that I can do. When I had free time to myself, I would use that time to go for a long run or go to the gym. Sometimes, I would just go for a ride on my motorcycle (when I was allowed) and see if there's anything new happening in the neighborhood. I did pretty much everything I could think of besides watch T.V. Guess what I do with my time now?

Don't get me wrong. I don't think of spending time with my son as a hindrance in my life. I love every second I spend with him. This entry is more about how I spend my time in between changing diapers, trying to stop Jack from crying and wiping spit-up off of me.

One thing many people may have already noticed, is that I change my Facebook status...A LOT. But who's counting? Seems like every thought that comes to my mind, I feel the need to post it. I came into the conclusion that the only reason why some people change their Facebook status so often is because they have absolutely nothing better to do. Just like me. I guess they're the same kind of people that write blogs and then change their Facebook status so people know they just wrote another uninteresting blog. Losers.

On a more serious note, I sometimes think about where I'm going with my life. I think about school and if getting extra education is really going to get me anywhere closer to my goal. I think about the bills and expenses that we have. Lindy and I are not poor, but we're not big timing and rollin' on dubs either. In other words, I don't have diamond teeth like Kanye West or a Big A$$ Chain like T-Pain.

I was just watching TLC and they had a show about an "8-limbed boy." Here's a very very brief summary: A 6-year-old kid from India has a parasitic twin growing out of his chest. The legs and arms of his twin were the only thing exposed from his body and the doctors removed it. The boy lived happily ever after.

TCL and Discovery have numerous shows like this, and none of them are terribly uplifting. As I watched this boy being operated on by several doctors and seeing his family falling apart because they feared the worst outcome, I just thought about how stupid some of my worries are. I agree, that in retrospect, this family's ordeal was unique. But it really doesn't change the fact that A family was going through with it. This family had nothing, but when they found out their son was going to be fine, they were elated.

Here I am, with a perfect little boy and lovely wife, watching this show on one of my 47" HDTV's, sitting on my sofa and writing a blog in my laptop, grumpy about going back to work tomorrow. My life is so hard. Seriously, though, I am truly blessed to have a life that I have now. Sometimes I feel like it was given to me and I never had to work for it. Will I stop worrying about silly things? Probably not. But I will definitely try harder to put things in perspective.

Hi, Jack!!

I've decided to write another blog a little sooner than I expected. This is mostly about an observation I made/make whenever people see Jack.

"Hi, Jack! Hi! How are you? Hi, Jack. Hi, Jack! You're so cute. Hi, Jack!"

This is about the extent of people's vocabularies whenever they're talking to Jack. I admit, I'm guilty of doing this too. I just finally thought about how ridiculous it really is. As I observed Lindy talking to her family on Skype, every single one of her family members (well, all 4 of them) took turns saying the "Hi, Jack!" line. You can't help but wonder where Jill went, or whether there's an actual hijacking in progress. Regardless, I thought about how often Lindy and I do the same thing, and I started to laugh about it. Really, I see this kid every day, how many times do I really need to say "hi" to him? Imagine doing that at work. "How's it going Jane? Hi, Jane! You're so cute, Jane. Look at your fat little cheeks, Jane!" Repeat that line a few more times and I'm sure some kind of harassment suit would be in order.

With that said, I'm sure people will continue to do that until Jack finally responds with a "Hi" of his own. In the mean time, I will continue to say "hi" to the little guy every 5 or so minutes. I may say "hey" just to mix it up a little.

A Jump Start

So I guess it's been a while since I've written a blog. I don't even remember what I wrote on the last one. Although, I think I mentioned I was going to update you guys about Lindy's pregnancy. So I'll start with that...

Lindy had the baby.

That was easy. I will now rededicate this blog to my brand-spankin-new-one-month-old-little-boy-Jack. At the rate I write blogs, however, you may be getting a highschool graduation announcement before I write any kind of update. But let me regress back to the beginning:

The Birth.

When Lindy started feeling contractions, it was a very exciting moment. We did all we could to make sure she started labor that very day. We tried many scientifically proven methods...from the internet...to get that baby out. My favorite method was eating spicy food. Lindy hates spicy food, but I convinced her to go to Wendy's to get a spicy chicken sandwich. I never admitted this until now, but I secretly wanted her to just take a couple bites and say, "this is too spicy! you eat it!" Unfortunately, she only left me with one bite. It didn't even have any chicken in it. Don't judge me. I've eaten fast food about 5 times in 5 years. Guys have cravings too. Anyway, eventually she was in active labor. (P.S. I think the spicy chicken only gave her heartburn.)

Whoever said/says that the birth of a baby is a beautiful thing, has never seen a birth of a baby. It is absolutely NOTHING remotely close to being beautiful. AFTER the birth, perhaps, but certainly not during. There were fluids here, there, on the top, bottom, left and right. Lindy's face turned apple red with every push she made. My hand swelled up to the size of a grapefruit as she gave me a death grip. I guess I can't complain since she was pushing an impossibly large baby. Although, I do have delicate hands. Just saying.

When our boy (Jack Thomas Martin) came out on November 4, 2010, I thought "That's my boy!!! What in the world is all over him???" My gag reflex went away in about 2 seconds. It was followed by disbelief, joy, awe, and more disbelief. I just couldn't believe that Lindy and I had become parents. As I watched the nurses clean up our little boy, I couldn't get a stupid grin off my face. Yes, I cried too. It was the strangest feeling. You know how in those stupid sappy movies where people say, "When I first laid eyes on you, I knew I loved you."? I say it's "stupid" because it almost never ever happens that way in real life. You have to get to know each other first, then you grow to love. In the case of having your very own baby, it truly IS love at first sight.

I am so blessed and thankful to have a wonderful wife that could create this beautiful little creature. In just one month, he has changed out lives. Now, I can't imagine a life without either of them. Though the birthing process may not be beautiful. Though births happens everyday, it really and truly is a miracle.

I'm not really much of a poem guy. But there was a poem by Maureen Hawkins in Jack's pediatrician's office that sums up probably what most parents feel.

"Before you were conceived
I wanted you
Before you were born
I loved you
Before you were here an hour
I would give my life for you
This is the miracle of life."