I remember coming home from work and Lindy and I would have that entire day to ourselves to do anything we wanted. We would go to the movies, eat at a restaurant, go shopping...whatever. With Jack now in our lives, it has become almost impossible to just go on spontaneous outings. Lindy and I would often comment on how good we had it as recent as 4 months ago. So has Jack become a thorn in our lives? Not in the least!
These days, I come home from work, thinking to myself, "What new trick did my boy learn today?" The slightest smile, baby sound, fart or laugh can make any bad day be a memorable one. That's not to say that I don't ever have a frustrating day with Jack. There are plenty of sleepless nights, bottle feeding and baby-cry-tuning-out days.
It's those tough days that reminds me of why I didn't want a baby so soon in my life. I had a plan to be married at 30 and have my first kid at 35. Well, most, if not all of you know what happened there. Lindy had the baby fever barely a year into our marriage and I would come up with reasons to postpone having one. As every year went by and more and more of our friends were having little ones of their own, I knew I was going to lose the family argument at any moment. It was pretty distressing for me. I wasn't ready. I didn't know when I wanted to have one, but I wasn't ready.
So now someone's thinking that Jack was an accident. He was not. I finally felt "comfortable" enough to have a family. After 2 AWFUL and MISERABLE months of trying to have a baby, :) Lindy got pregnant. I was excited and terrified all at once, but I knew there was no turning back. But the 9 months leading to Jack's birth, I just thought about all the things that I wasn't going to be able to do anymore. They were selfish thoughts, I know, but that's what I was thinking. I also didn't want to be a bad father. The thoughts of "I'M NOT READY!" kept creeping into my mind...
The moment Jack came into the world and as the tears filled my eyes and flowed down my face, all the negative thoughts left my mind. It was quickly replaced with "He's mine....He's ours..." It was completely humbling and exciting. I don't think there's any other point where a person's life changes completely than when their baby is born. You've become a parent.
My entire marriage I wasn't ready to have a baby. While Lindy was pregnant, I wasn't ready to have a baby. But looking at my son right now, as he gives me that huge smile of his, I don't know why I waited so long.
